Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
