I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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