Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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