wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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