So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
