His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
