He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
