Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
