What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
