I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
