how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
