He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
