She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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