the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
