I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
