we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
