my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
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Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
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I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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