i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
