dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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