So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
