Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
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