You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
