i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
