After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
