you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
