I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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