she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
