I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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