I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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