In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
