did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
