She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
