I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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