K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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