so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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