census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
