so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
