I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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