He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
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I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
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He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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