Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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