I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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