We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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