So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Randomize
