im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
