I wish i was in the wii world.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
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It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
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Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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