Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
