walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
