so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
