Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
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Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
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I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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