She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
