Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
