Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Sober January is a disaster.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Watching her eat just hurts me
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Can you bring me the toilet please
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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