I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
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