Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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