Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Randomize
