one two three fourrrrnication!
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize