I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
