And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
