Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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