Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
