mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
