I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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