I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
