So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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