You're completely useless in the revolution.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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