I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
