apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
