were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Someone signed my nipple.
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