You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
she pinky promised me she was 18
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
