my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
