If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
