DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
