he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
