Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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