I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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