so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
