i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
