Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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