A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
