I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
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Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
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I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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