All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
