I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
