I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
