ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
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