I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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