my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
i've created a new STD.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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