I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
