He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
